El Lobo y La Mariposa

"Without the Wolf, I wouldn't have known about the Butterfly." ~Jennifer Burris

~When the wolf came howling, I most definitely was not ready. I mean, who is? The wolf was aggressively attacking away at my body. The noises of his possessive cries sent pain all throughout my body. Pain I wasn't used to. Pain I didn't want. When I think back, my lupus came on like a lightswitch. One day I was me. The next day I was not. The tell tale sign was the massive swelling in my joints, horrible trouble breathing, and that molar rash that seemed to have taken over my face. No longer did I have my cute mediterranean complexion but one now super red and raised across my cheeks and nose and super pale everywhere else. It was like, all of sudden, I was allergic to the sun.

~When I look up the wolf it seems he/she does have some redeeming qualities but I couldn't see past the hostility of the beast at that time. I questioned why such a thing would happen to me? Being in the military, I took excellent care of my health. Lots of water, vegetables, exercised on a regular basis. But, lupus does not discriminate. It consumes any race, ethnicity, or sex and comes on whenever it wants to. It is unrelenting in its pursuit to conquer. While my world was being turned upside down I was plunging deeper into my depression. I would say the years before I knew what was going on were my caterpillar years.

~This is where it gets good though. So I would say approximately 4 years had gone by when I had finally got diagnosed. Now I had some information and medications. To learn to live with lupus is not for the weak. The next 10 years I would say my wings slowly started to develop. Along the way, patterns formed on my wings as I scarred over from traumas in my past.

~What has been my life saver is my relationship with God. It has been restored. I am a woman of faith. He has lifted me up off the ground when I could not move my feet. He has provided peace in the knowledge that He did not make me sick but rather made me whole in spirit. Having mental fortitude and emotional stability is so important when combating the wolf. Life is filled with opposites. Without the bad, I couldn't fully appreciate the good. To all of us with invisible illnesses, remember that we all grow our wings at different paces. Mine took a little more than a decade. Take heart my friends, things will get better. Don't let the Wolf win!